Thriving Parents

shifting Parenthood from barely surviving to thriving

It Could Have Been Me…

Recently there was a mom from CA in the news.

I read it.

I heard about the mother who killed her 3 daughters who were 3 & under. I felt like I was punched in the gut when I read it.

The similarities between us were not lost on me. I have no doubt that she suffers from some type of perinatal mood disorder, like postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, post traumatic stress disorder, or even postpartum psychosis. And truthfully, if I hadn’t gotten help, this woman could have been me.

There are a million ways that my story started out wrong.

My baby was not growing.

She needed to be induced.

I was in labor for 30+ hours before I was rushed in for a c-section.

Nursing was terrible.

It took 5 days for my milk to come in.

She had jaundice and went to the hospital every day for a heel prick.

We had to supplement with formula.

She wouldn’t latch.

She didn’t sleep.

She cried all day.

She had reflux.

She was failure to thrive.

I was fighting an uphill battle all the way. All the freaking way. None of this was the way I expected it to be. This happens to many parents and many don’t understand what is happening to them, they don’t realize PMADs can greatly effect them after birth, read here to raise your birth trauma awareness.

At about 4 months I went to my ob. I saw the nurse practitioner. I told her that I thought something was wrong with me. I told her that I was crying all the time. I felt sad, lonely, and desperate.
“Do you think I have postpartum depression,” I asked? Her response? Unless you have a plan to harm your baby you don’t have postpartum depression.

Oh, ok.

I walked out thinking, “What the hell was wrong with me?” Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother. Maybe we waited too long to have kids. Maybe we shouldn’t have had kids? Was God punishing us for almost choosing to not having kids?

I suffered for another 4 months until I went back to the OB. I had an appointment because I was pregnant again. This appointment was with the actual gynecologist and I burst into tears the minute she walked in the room.

Without a doubt she diagnosed me with a slew of postpartum mood disorders. With her help we worked on a treatment plan which included education, therapy and medication.

That first appointment? That is not the kind of care people should receive after they’ve had a baby. If our medical professionals aren’t educated on perinatal mood disorders, how can we expect others to be?
That woman in CA? Her trial is just beginning. She’s plead not guilty. That could have easily been me if I hadn’t received help.
Today I am happy. Like ridiculously happy. But I had help.

Please consider making a donation to Climb Out of the Darkness. Climb Out of the Darkness is the annual awareness raising and fundraising event for Postpartum Progress, a nonprofit focused on supporting pregnant and new moms with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, postpartum psychosis and pregnancy depression. Also, Climb Out of the Darkness kicks ass. Just so you know.

Katherine Stone and Postpartum Progress are the number 1 reason why I am emotionally healthy today and why I was able to get the proper help.

Kristina Grum is a Certified Parent Educator who has over a decade of experience working with children, including being a classroom teacher. She currently teaches parenting classes in her local area and writes about shifting parenthood from barely surviving to thriving.