The day could have been called a Monday in disguise – if I didn’t love Mondays so much.
It was a terrible, no good, very bad day.
I spent hours on the computer trying to do what I think might be impossible. Suddenly, I realized that it was time to leave to pick up Rebecca from preschool. I went to the garage to realize the garage door was broken. Not the kind of broken that can be fixed by pulling on that conspicuous red handle or unplugging the mechanism from the outlet, either. It was more the kind of broken that requires professional garage door repair dallas from a reliable professional team.
I called Matt in a panic. The garage door just wouldn’t open and of course he was out of town. I told him we would probably need to sort out a garage door panel replacement so he rang a repair company up.
Recently, we have been thinking about converting our garage into a granny flat so perhaps while we were taking measurements of the door something might have fallen out of place. To cut a long story short, our friends who live in Australia have recently had their garage transformed into a granny flat for their elderly parents, so after they showed us some granny flat designs in Sydney we were tempted to do some research of our own. For now though, until we get the garage door repaired, our granny flat plans will simply have to go on hold.
I took Matt’s car to pick up Rebecca from preschool but had no idea how I would pick up Kate and Caroline from school. We have never been able to put three car seats in the back of the CRV.
After pickup, I spent the afternoon trying to locate the BubbleBum booster seat. I remembered that it was 13″ wide and thought it would fit between the 2 car seats we currently had in Matt’s car. Rebecca reminded me that we had planned to make scones all afternoon and I had to remind her that sometimes plans change.
We picked the girls up from school and while the new configuration of car seats fit safely, the girls had never sat so close to each other in the car. There was lots of touching, twisting, turning, poking, and annoying each other. We drove to swimming lessons because, of course, the garage door would break and I’d have to drive the tiny car on a day we had swimming lessons after school.
On our way home, I realized I forgot to pick a crockpot dinner for this Tuesday. I now had to cook dinner, make sure the girls showered, got their homework done, and survive the rest of the night until bedtime. Through this realization, the volume in the tiny CRV became louder and louder. I was overwhelmed with the noise and sheer commotion. Finally, I had had enough of this day.
I screamed and yelled. I wanted quiet and I wanted it now. Suddenly, the giggles stopped and I could see that my most sensitive child (who is usually the bravest) was nervous. I scared her. Good Lord, what was I thinking? The rest of the ride home was silent. Surprisingly, that wasn’t what I wanted any more. I wanted giggling, laughing, and happiness but I knew my soul needed the quiet. There was that double edged sword of motherhood that always seemed to visit when I least needed it.
As we pulled into the driveway I apologized to them. It was a long apology, and heart felt. I explained how my day was terrible but that there was no excuse for how annoyed I was at them. No one should ever talk to them that way. I messed up. I broke.
I took a few minutes to myself after we entered the house. I used the same methods I taught the girls to calm themselves down. I took some deep breaths, I cried, put on good music, and began to cook dinner. I regrouped. By the time they came down from their showers, Matt was home, dinner was ready, and I was calm.
What does it look like when you lose it? Are you a screamer, yeller, or an eye roller? Are you all of the above? Or are you always calm? Your hard day may look different than mine. Mamas break in different ways.
Some days are much more horrible than others. We get frustrated, annoyed, and tired. We say things we know we shouldn’t say – things that are close to crossing the line that parents shouldn’t cross. We think things that are much more horrible and are thankful that no one can hear our worst thoughts.
We break.
Do you know what happens after a mama breaks?
Her family forgives her.
They always forgive.
So forgive yourself.
xoxo
–k
Oh mama I needed this today! I have been under a lot of stress lately (who isn't right?) and I find myself snapping more often than I ever have before. I don't want to yell all the time. The other day I sat down with my boys and we had a long talk. We talked about their behavior and we talked about my behavior. It turns out I'm a lot harder on myself than they are. I forgave myself and knew the next day would be better. It was. I'm glad you got through your rough day too. We have all been there.
Needed this today for sure. I hate having melt downs and I confess I'm awful at apologizing to my kids afterward. Any advice on apologies??? I look forward to following you and reading more!
I have experienced many, many days like this and while you sit later and you think of all the ways you have scared your children and beat yourself up remember this: You are also showing your children that no one is perfect, that sometimes life gets very, very hard, that no matter what you love them and you will do what you have to do for them no matter what. I am the mom of a 25 and 23 year old and I'm sure I lost it many, many times like this. They survived, they are unharmed, they are happy, thriving adults who love me very much. Give yourself a break the story I read is of a terrific mom who just lost it for a second.
Perfectly said with so much heart, Kristina. I love it. I hate when I break like that and feel so awful for it but you're right. Our children forgive us and we should forgive ourselves. I'd have been freaking out about the garage door too. Why does that stuff only happen when we're alone and stressed out?
I totally get this… I love you for sharing your raw and real moments. I have broke MANY times… and I ask for forgiveness too. I just love your message here, my friend. They do forgive. They do. And we must also forgive ourselves.
Love this and I have been there more times than I care to remember. Sometimes, I yell. Loudly. Other times, I just "check out." I hide in my room or my office and do my very best to just ignore everything & everyone. You are right, though, they always forgive me and I have to forgive myself, too.
I tend to yell. I've sworn to no yelling already but some days just suck and I lose control of my temper.:(