The morning started off just fine. Everyone slept later than usual and that included me. I had a great night’s sleep which had been unusual.
Two of the girls took turns snuggling with me in bed and no one pressured me to get up.
I stayed in bed until 8am and went downstairs to everyone playing nicely. We ate breakfast and the girls did their morning chores without needing to be asked.
And then it began.
Someone didn’t want to go to the bathroom. When she did, she was half off the toilet and peed all over the floor. For the 4th time this week.
Someone else didn’t want to get her shoes on. She stomped her feet and cried.
Seriously? I was trying to take then to the amusement park. I was getting so much resistance.
I yelled. Loud. A lot.
We finally got to the car. I was muttering under my breath and rolling my eyes, I am sure of it.
I asked the girls to put their headphones on so they could watch tv and I could chill the heck out and listen to music.
And it began again.
One of the kids couldn’t find her headphones. They’ve been missing for a few days and I had forgotten about it.
I told her to unbuckle and look for them in a tone that I am sure was not “a voice we use to talk to our family”. Then I said, “It sure will be terrible if you don’t have your headphone when we leave on vacation.” I’m surprised she didn’t cry at that statement. She’s a pretty sensitive kid and she knows we’ll be driving 15 hours each way on vacation.
Frankly, I was being a JERK. And deep down I knew it. I didn’t stop to think about what I was saying. I was vomiting out words that weren’t best in the situation.
We found the headphones.
In the trunk.
Where I probably should have looked first. So then I felt like a bigger jerk because it wasn’t a place she could look herself.
I imagine she will forgive me and I know I’ll forgive myself. But I can’t help but imagine how harsh my words must have sounded to her little child self. Who am I to talk to her in that way? Who am I to make her feel worse than she already felt?
I am her mother.
I am the one person she should feel safe with. It’s my job to build her up and not tear her down.
In reality, this was one instance out of 50 that I lost my cool. I work really hard at maintaining it. What I really need is a permanent pause button. Since they don’t exist, I just need to start practicing self care.
The reason I was so cranky that day was because I haven’t been doing anything to take care of myself. M had been out of town and when I fly solo I don’t get much time to myself. I do too many things at a time without slowing down. When I take good care of myself, I in turn take good care of our kids. I am energized and excited with the kids when I am practicing self care.
I asked you guys on Facebook what you do for yourselves. And you know what? Less of you answered that question than just about any other question I’ve ever asked. Why is it so hard for parents to do something for themselves?
I challenge you all to do at least one thing a day for yourself this week. Post about it on Facebook and Twitter and use the hashtag #selfcare so I can see how well you are all taking care of yourselves.
You deserve it. And so do your kids.
xoxo
–k
This weekend I was able to confidently go for an overnight trip to visit a fave cousin….for the first time…ALONE!!! I had such a good time that I am making future plans to do this again. Why did this take me nearly 6 years to feel confident enough to do it?
oh I hate when I yell at the kids — especially when I yell at them to stop yelling! doesn't happen too often these days though —
I did something kind of fun for myself yesterday! When I took my daughter and her pals roller skating, I DIDN'T patiently wait on the sidelines supervising them while reading my book. Instead, I roller skated WITH them! It was hilarious! They taught me how to stop clutching the side rail like my life depended on it — and giggled when I tried to wiggle my tush to the pop music. We had a blast!
Good for you! I bet that was fun!
Good call. I like this. I yell and say things I shouldn't to our four kids all to frequently. And then I decide I will do better…until it happens again.
Taking a break is what I need. I can't do everything. And I sure can't do everything all the time.
Tomorrow I am going for a run. Alone. On a treadmill. With my music and headphones. Alone.
Popped over for Honest Voices link up!
This is so true. Self care is really important to avoid stress and dumping on the kids. I exercise 5 – 6 times a week, in the morning before they wake up. I also try to have them in bed on time so I can shower and have some time to myself. Otherwise I react the way you did.
So yes. I haven't done anything for myself in nearly 2 weeks, and am feeling it – I've been cranky with the 4.5 month old, and eating junk food to both punish myself for being a shit-ass mum, and reward myself for just surviving. Its not a good tactic. Thank goodness I can go to the pool tonight once the little monster is in bed!
Oh K. YES. I hate the way I am sometimes. Too often. Thank you for writing this. I feel horrible at myself for being that way and feel like I'm ruining them. But you're right, we need to take care of ourselves too. xoxoxoox