That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling lately.
Weary.
I don’t physically feel tired but my mind and my heart are tired. Some days I struggle with being a mom. I love it but some days I just want a break. And not necessarily from our kids – just from the responsibility of always being the one.
The fact that I’ve been having a hard time with this mom gig lately is unsettling. “I’m good at this!” I want to yell out into the universe, because I am. But being good at something doesn’t mean you always enjoy doing it. And that’s okay too.
Sometimes I think of my old life:
The life I had when I worked in the corporate world or when I was teaching – going out to lunch, dinner, and happy hours.
The life I had when we were married with little responsibility – deciding last minute to go away for the weekend.
The life I had when I was able to drive cross country and travel by train across Europe.
I miss freedom. I miss not having to pay attention to bedtimes and making sure I have enough groceries in the house. I miss not having to keep track of medications and school forms.
I miss easy.
These feeling are not to be confused with the feeling of loving my kids, though. They’re two completely separate feelings that are compartmentalized in different areas of my heart and mind.
Motherhood changed me. In most ways it changed me for the better. I’m a different person than I was 9 years ago. I’d like to think that I’m a better and improved version of the person I was. I’m less selfish and less judgmental. I’m more giving and thoughtful.
But I’m more tired.
Sometime in April I was asked if I’d consider hosting a Moms’ Nite Out as a part of National Moms’ Night Out. I didn’t hesitate to respond. After all, getting together with other moms is how I fill my bucket. I love being surrounded by people who know what it is like to (almost) walk in my shoes every day.
A few days before the get together, I watched the movie Mom’s Night Out. I’ll be honest: I was blown away. The first 15 minutes resonated with me so loudly. In fact, I think the first 15 minutes would resonate with any mother.
This movie made me remember that EVERY mom knows what this weary feeling is like. Every mom gets tired of being the mom and I think that comes from a place of us not taking good enough care of ourselves. I know I usually put myself last and I need to start putting myself first every once in a while.
For this Moms’ Nite Out party, I invited over only a few friends. Friends who make me feel happy when I see them and make my heart burst with gratitude when we part ways. We sat at my kitchen table, ate some snacks, decorated wine glasses, and talked.
The women who were there didn’t all know each other beforehand. They come from different backgrounds and live completely different lives. Some work in the home and some out of the home. Some work part time, some full time, and some not at all. Some have older children and some have younger children. The one thing that binds us together is that we are all mothers. It’s the invisible thread that connects us.
I went to bed that night with a smile on my face and a full heart. Those woman filled my bucket at a time when I didn’t think it could be filled. We didn’t need to do anything exciting or fancy. We just needed to be together. I knew the next day was going to be an easier day because of them and the time I spent with them.
That motherhood thread that connects us together is strong.
xoxo
–k
Everyone went home with a bag of amazing goodies from some great sponsors. They included: Entemann’s Little Bites snack
MyPrintly candy favors
Bicycle Cocktail Party playing cards
HP Photo Card packs
I received free products in order to host the National Mom’s Nite Out Party. The opinions expressed here are my own.
*This link is an affiliate link. What does that mean? It means if you click on the link to purchase this product I get a few pennies for every dollar, at no additional cost to you. Basically, in a year I’ll be able to take the girls out to ice cream. 😉
Kristina Grum is a Certified Parent Educator who has over a decade of experience working with children, including being a classroom teacher. She currently teaches parenting classes in her local area and writes about shifting parenthood from barely surviving to thriving.
