Thriving Parents

shifting Parenthood from barely surviving to thriving

I hate running… but I do it.

I hate running.  I
do.  I hate the shortness of breath, the
ache in my legs, and the sweat.  Oh, I
especially hate the sweat. 

I hate the way it drips down my forehead, threatening to get into my eyes.  The way it pools behind my ears and along my
hairline.  It’s sticky and gross. 
But even though I hate running, I still run.  Why? 
  1. Because I need to be healthier.  
  2. Because I need to push myself. 
  3. Because it’s the one way I’ve found that I
    can conquer the voices that live in my head. 

 Do you have those voices?  
You know the ones –  the ones that
say you aren’t:
Good enough
Strong enough
Fast enough
Put together enough
Clean enough
A good enough mother?
I know I’m not the only one who has these voices.  
You see, when I run, I have those voices in
my head that tell me that I am too fat to run. 
That I’m not a runner.  That I
will never make it.  They tell me to stop
running and start walking.  After all,
I’m not a runner.  They whisper, “Walk
for just a little bit.  Just a little.
You don’t need to run.”  They know if they can seduce me to start walking that I’ll have a harder time starting to run again.  The next run interval will get shorter and shorter until I believe that I can’t run.    
It’s so hard to not let those voices win.  And for years I did.  I let them tell me that I wasn’t enough.  But now? 
I know I am enough.  
I AM ENOUGH.  
I am good enough.
I am strong enough.
I am fast enough.
I am put together enough.
I clean enough. 
(Well, I could clean more, but I really don’t want to.)
I am a good enough mother. 
I am enough. 
I am currently training for a 10 mile race.  10 miles! 
I must have been completely crazy when I decided to sign up for it.  It was a lottery and I kept thinking, “If I
get in the lottery, it’s meant to be that I run.” I was both terrified and
thrilled when I found out I got in. 
I’m now working on a training plan where every week I run more and more.  On May 5th I’ll be running 10
miles.  10 miles!  Who the heck am I? 
You know who I am? 
I
am a runner.  
I don’t run fast and I
don’t run for long but I run.  I run
despite the voices that live in my head. 
And at the end of every run, I feel great!  Not just because I’ve exercised and have
endorphins running through my body.  But
I feel great because I’ve ignored those voices that tell me that I can’t.  Because I did.
Some days the voices do win.
But most days I do, because I know that fear is a liar.*
What do your voices tell you? What do you KNOW you can do?
xoxo
–k
* Thanks, Jon Acuff for telling me I know better.
Kristina Grum is a Certified Parent Educator who has over a decade of experience working with children, including being a classroom teacher. She currently teaches parenting classes in her local area and writes about shifting parenthood from barely surviving to thriving.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Erin Margolin says

    I can't run. I am not even exercising due to a rough childbirth 17 months ago and the depression I've been struggling with. You know it sucks when you can't even motivate yourself to work out even though YOU KNOW it will help you stop those voices. I think we all have them. I hate them, and they say terrible things to me.

    It's comforting to know I'm not alone.

    And I wish I could run.

    • KristinaGrum says

      Oh, Erin, I've been there. It's such a vicious cycle to get out of. I'm sending you some good thoughts and prayers and please know that I am always hear with an ear to listen. xoxo

  2. Renee Schuls-Jacobson says

    Ha. The voices have me in a chokehold, but BlissDom helped a bit. The voices tell me I suck. That I suck so hard. That my writing sucks. That my dream of publishing my book is stupid, that it will never happen. Bwahahaha. It's terrible. The stupid voice actually got me to stop writing, but guess what? I'm back, baby! And you are right.

    You are good enough.

    And we all have these stupid voices.

    And I am going to send my voices over to punch your voices in the throat.

    Wait, that's your throat.

    You know what I mean. 😉

  3. Anonymous says

    I don't run because my head hurts all the time… and then, I am an emotional eater and start on that binge… some days the voices are pretty darn strong that say that I am not enough of anything… But you give me a little hope Kristina… a little glimpse of hope that I can beat the pain in my head… and move forward… for me and my family…

    Today is one of those days… started off good – had a great morning… and then landslided into oblivion… and now its 11pm and I am asking myself… what the heck happened…. and now, the "not enoughs" are filling my pounding head and neck… so, I have read your blog… and I am going to repeat your mantra… and attempt to put a positive spin on today ( maybe look that those great eggs from today)….. thank you Kristina… 🙂 Keep on running… and maybe soon, the voices and I can join you.

    • KristinaGrum says

      Oh C, the late night "not enoughs" aren't true! I actually try to go bed on the early side before the tiredness sets in. Tiredness always brings the "not enoughs" which I think are amplified at the end of the day. YOU are enough!

  4. Allison http://GirlReturnsHome.com says

    Yes, the voices. We do all have them. Mine say, why are you writing this blog. No one cares and your writing sucks too. How nice is that! It was good to see in print through these comments too, that yes, we are not alone. Great post!!! And thank you!!!

  5. Meg G says

    Keep running! I love the button "I am enough." I felt a similar trepidation when I started my blog this last month, "what am I DOING?! It's just a phase, I'll never be successful." My new favorite pastime is reading blogs and hearing other people's stories; getting all kinds of encouragement from other people's successes. Found your blog on HonestMom's linkup today. I'm having a blog "launch party," hosting my first linkup on April 13th. I'd love to have you join! Details:

    http://www.misadventuremom.com/p/launch-party.html

    • KristinaGrum says

      Meg, I LOVE reading blogs and stories too. I'll especially loved your temptation post! Those voices will be even more squandered in time, I know it!

  7. Darlene http://adventuresofamiddleagemom.com says

    I too run, but I never thought of myself as a "real" runner until recently. I run to stay fit mentally and like you, I hear voices…they mostly whisper now. Running helps silence them.
    I so enjoyed hearing Jon Acuff's messages at Blissdom: We are better than good enough. And we can't let fear hold us back.
    Run on, woman!

  10. Anonymous says

    Loved hearing you open up my friend. We are our own worst critics. Love you much! Jennifer

  11. Andrea B. says

    I am finally reading this and OH MY GOODNESS, you're in my head. I love this SO very much. So so very much.

    I am not quite a runner, but I run and I walk and I move and I DO IT as best I can. Thank you for sharing this. I love it. Seriously. Can you tell?

  12. JD Bailey @ Honest Mom says

    What a great post! I miss running. I used to be a runner. Maybe I can be again. 🙂 I hear those voices a lot. Especially lately – so this post is a great one for me to read and re-read.

    Thanks for linking up with Honest Voices! 🙂