“I can’t believe this place is such a mess. Ugh, will it ever be clean? Why can’t we keep it clean? Why is there so much junk everywhere? Why can’t the kids ever throw something out? Why can’t Matt put the mail all in one place? I can’t take it anymore. Forget about it. I just don’t care!”
I muttered these words under my breath while my daughter simultaneously laid down on her bed upstairs and started to cry. The sound was inaudible but I could see her back rising up and down. When she lifted up her head, her tear stained cheeks were impossible to miss.
I sat on the floor next to her bed and asked what was wrong. “I don’t know. {big pause} Nothing,” she replied.
But I have mama instincts and knew something was obviously wrong. I stroked her hair and asked what she was doing before she laid down on the bed. She told me she was trying to clean her room.
? Lightbulb moment! ?
I asked her if she was frustrated by cleaning. All of a sudden, she was a fountain of verbal frustration that couldn’t stop the water from coming out. “I want a cleaner room and I know what needs to be picked up. Every time I start on one area, I end up moving to another. Then I look at all the mess and feel like it’ll never be done. Why can’t my room just stay clean?”
This child and I are cut from the same cloth. We are one and the same.
I told her I had just been thinking those exact same thing downstairs. She looked at me surprised and said, “Really?!” Yep. I repeated the conversation I had in my head for her and told her how frustrated I was feeling a few moments ago.
When I get overwhelmed with the house, I immediately blame everyone for not doing their part – me included. I don’t know that it’s necessarily everyone’s fault but I do think we could all do better. Getting some control on the situation always makes me feel better.
An ADHD diagnosis means my brain work differently than a person who is neuro-typical. While someone can spend 30 minutes cleaning their kitchen and be finished, 30 minutes cleaning anything is a death sentence for me. I get overwhelmed by the amount of things to do, get distracted by other things, including my thoughts, and I get frustrated by my own lack of focus. This makes being productive harder than it is for most people. I have to get really creative about how I manage my time to get things done.
This doesn’t just go for cleaning, though. When I have multiple things to do, I not only have trouble finishing them, I also have trouble getting started. It’s almost like the amount of work I have to do paralyzes me – even if it’s not truly a lot. I start to feel overwhelmed and a feeling of despair comes over me. It’s one of the most helpless feelings in the world.
That night, my daughter and I made a list of the strategies we use to get things done when we’re not focused. Here’s what we came up with:
Making a list
I love lists. I love notebooks and the satisfaction of crossing things off a list. Plus, I forget a lot of things so if I’ve written something down, it’s more likely I’ll remember it, if not get it done. I love notepads like this one because it has sections to write different tasks. Then I don’t waste time reading through a whole list. If I’m out in the car, I can easily look at my list of errands to see what I have time to do. I think a lot of people get satisfaction from crossing things off of a list.
Breaking tasks into chunks
Because it’s so easy for me to get overwhelmed, I need to break things into chunks. Sometimes VERY small chunks. For example, when I need to clean my kitchen, it’s not enough to write down:
That is too vague for me. I need to break it down further.
A more detailed list allows me to accomplish smaller steps and see my progress along the way.
Find 10 things to throw away
Sometimes feeling in control of mess comes in counting 10 things to throw in the trash. 10 things don’t sound like a lot so it’s not an overwhelming number. Once I’ve found 10 things to throw out, I usually feel better. 10 things are enough to make a difference. 10 things are enough to propel me into throwing away a little more too. I can usually find 20 things to throw away and that feels good. When things are clean it makes my mind feel less cluttered.
We went on to discuss other ways we make adaptations to get things done. Here are the strategies we use every single day.
Set a timer
Setting a timer for a small amount of time helps us focus in short bursts. When she does homework, we set a timer for 10 minutes. After those 10 minutes are up, she takes a 3-minute break and then gets back to work for 10 more minutes.
There are a few good ways to do this:
- A regular kitchen timer is easiest. You have to manually set it for each interval every time it beeps.
- The time tracker timer is amazing. You can set intervals for your work time and break time. It has sound and corresponding lights.
- The Pomodoro app is the one I use the most, personally. I can set an entire’s day worth of tasks in the list section and it will signal me when to work, take a short break, or take a longer break. There’s a free version available in both Apple’s App store and in Google Play.
Invite a friend to provide company
I never clean so much as when I have a friend sitting at my kitchen island. My friends Kirsten, Angie, and Amy have all come over to sit and talk with me. While I’m engaged in conversation, I can clean up a ton of things. The conversation and company distract me and because they’re friends, they don’t judge me for our mess.
Invite people over for company
Speaking of company, inviting people over to visit always motivates me to clean and get things done. Knowing I have a deadline of when they will arrive, gives me more motivation to get it done quickly. I work best under pressure, as I suspect most people with ADHD do.
Play music, books on tape, or podcasts
I have a playlist of songs that gets me moving and makes me smile. As a kid, my mom always puts music on when she was cleaning. She got it done quickly while singing and smiling. If I put music on it’s a good distraction from what I’m actually doing and helps the time pass more quickly. My friend Jen listens to books on tape and gets her cleaning done that way.
Being alone
Sometimes I need to be alone and have absolute quiet to get things done. This is hard for me when I have all 3 kids around and it can be hard for a child if they have siblings. Creating a space that is yours alone is helpful and essentially if this strategy works for you.
Just to recap, here are the ways I can have success with getting things cleaned up while dealing with ADHD:
- Making a list
- Breaking it into very small chunks.
- Pick 10 things to throw away at a time.
- Set a timer.
- Invite people over to keep me company while I clean.
- Invite people over to visit so I have a deadline.
- Music, books, or podcasts
- Being alone
Sometimes a strategy will work one day but not the next. Then it’s just time to move on to the next strategy until you find one that works that day. We’ve printed it out our list and hung it in my daughter’s room so she can see it when she needs to try a different strategy.
What strategies do you use to keep yourself on task? I’d love to add new ones to the ones I use.
xoxo
–k
Read about how we teach kids to clean up
We think that kids instinctively know what cleaning up is, but they don’t. By teaching them how to do it, we’re setting them up for success and giving them the tools to be more capable and helpful.
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